Zane's "Fancy" Writing

Conversation in the car...

Zane:  Mommy, where's Nigel's butthole?

Me:  Right under his tail.

Zane:  Where are his butt cheeks?

Me:  He doesn't have butt cheeks.  Just a hole.

Zane:  Why?

Me:  (sigh)  I don't know.  Maybe because he doesn't walk on two legs.

Zane:  Where's Cookie's butthole?

Me:  Under her tail, just like Nigel.  You just can't see it because of all her fur.

(thinking-pause)

Zane:  Cookie's a girl.  Does she have a pa-china?

Me:  Uhhh...I...don't...really know.

Zane:  Well, she's a girl, so she must have a pa-china.

Me:  Yes, well, she has something LIKE a vagina, but I don't know if it's called that.  I don't know what it's called.  Do you want to play with my phone?

Note:  Apparently female dogs have vaginas.  And that's what it's called.  And we will never speak of this again.

When you're six...

Scene:  Zane and Emily playing on her new playscape next door.  Me pushing Zane on the swing and Emily swinging herself next to him.

Zane:  Mommy!  Am I going as high as Emily?!!
Emily:  No.  But one day, when you're six, you'll learn to do this.
Zane:  I'm NOT!  I'm always going to want Mommy to push me!  Or daddy.
Emily:  But Zane, you have to learn.  You HAVE to!
Zane:  No!

Aww, my sweet boy.  But, yes, Zane - you're going to have to learn to swing by yourself.  Mommy has short arms and is tired of getting kicked in the face.