I'm dood it.

Zane, like most kids his age, wants to do many things himself. Like
most moms, I usually let him. It makes me giggle every time because he
always grabs whatever it is (shoe, food, seatbelt, crayon) and
declares "I'm dood it!"

In this picture he decided the umbrella should go back on his sand
table (with the usual declaration). When I tried to help him, he
refused, saying "need MY help!"

Mmm...bacon

We went to get breakfast tacos in Austin. When asked what he wanted,
Zane replied "Bacon. Wif nuffing ondit."

Angry White Lady

Dr. Tiffany Raynor at Texas ENT Specialists: My son's appointment was for 8:30 this morning. In the future, if I ever come to your office again, please be sure to have your staff ready and waiting for me at or before my appointment time. And when they can't "find" that appointment, please at least be apologetic for wasting 2 hours of my already busy morning. Please, also, expect a bill for $50 - the same fee you would charge me for missing an appointment. Good day.

Gray Chevy Truck from South Carolina on 610 North at 10:15 this morning: Please pause your phone conversation long enough to check your side view mirrors for a silver BMW wagon to your right before you plow over it. Also, please acknowledge in some way said BMW's incessant honking, shouting and arm waving. A wave-back, honk-back or bird-flip would be acceptable. Fuck you very much.

BMW: I've been to Germany and I know that most Germans are bigger and stronger than me. I suspect they are more repressed than me as well and are therefore prone to furious bursts of anger. Please redesign the BMW logo in your steering wheel to withstand the incessant honking accompanying these burst of anger. Danke.

After lunch today, Zane and I went to Target. Zane requested some of John's Kashi cereal in a baggie to snack on during the journey. Our conversation follows:

Zane: Hey! That's a fart!

Me: Did you fart?

Zane: No. There's another fart!

Me: What's a fart? Did you toot?

Zane: No. There's another fart! One two three four five six...farts!

(At this point I'm straining in the rearview to figure out what he's talking about. He's referring to the cereal.)

Me: Uh...that's cereal, Zane, not farts.

Zane: Farts!

Me: (Reaching back to get some cereal). Ok - let me see your fart.

(Zane hands me a piece of cereal)

Me: That's a HEART.

Zane: Hhhhaaaaarrrrrt. Fart?

Baboons

Zane tells me that there are baboons outside. We have to be careful. Because baboons are wild animals. Baboons eat bananas and panda bears eat bamboo.