Poop Humor

Zane, peering into the toilet...

"It's a grown-up. I dropped a grown-up into the lake."

Zane turns Four

New Mimi

Many of you know, and have seen, Zane's favorite stuffed toys - rats named Miss Heidi and Mimi. He used to carry around a stuffed guinea pig named Guinness but inexplicably abandoned him for the rats. After he discarded Miss Heidi because she was squishy and flat, I re-stuffed them so they were nice and fat and he renewed his dedication to the both of them.

With that in mind, and after two days of tie-dying shirts, I offered to tie-dye Mimi. Zane was immediately excited and we got on it. Done with the dying and with Mimi wrapped up in plastic wrap to wait the requisite 6-8 hours, Zane began regretting his decision. Not because she'd be rainbow colored (his favorite color), but because he couldn't have her RIGHT NOW and might not be able to have her when he went to bed.

Through tearful sobs, he declined my offer to go get another one at Ikea (because it would take too long). So, I pulled out the big guns, snuck into my secret-stash hiding place and pulled out a brand new Ikea stuffed rat that I was saving for a special-something surprise. That did the trick. Mimi was forgotten. Never mind that this one didn't look like Mimi (before or after her make-over). He had two nice fat stuffed rats and the world was right again.

Introducing: Black Mimi (his words, I swear)

Now to dig out the Little Black Sambo and Uncle Remus books that my grandmother used to read to me.

The Snowcone Won

Some things are just off limits

***Warning: this post contains references to TAMPONS***

Up until recently I've been able to keep my magical womanly time of the month relatively hidden from my unquenchably inquisitive little boy. Not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed of the gift that mother nature (Zane: or Jesus!) has given me, but because there's only so much that I'm willing to explain. I'm pretty frank with Zane when it comes to most things. I don't sugar coat too many answers and I have a really hard time lying to him even for a fun things like Santa Clause. He knows, for instance, that after a baby grows in a woman's tummy that she pushes it out of her vagina (ewwwww! was his response to this information). He hasn't asked how the baby gets into the tummy, thank god.

When it comes to tampons and what they're for and how they work? Not ready to open that can of worms. Just the thought of it makes me tired.

A few days ago, Zane and I were in a bathroom stall together (when, by the way, will I ever get to pee by myself again?). Zane peed first and as he was pulling up his pants and distracted by tiny little trash can in the stall I did my business (including tampon switch). I asked him to flush the toilet (which is his right and god help you if you forget that) and as he was reaching for the handle he glanced into the bowl to inspect things. He sees that which he did not deposit and the following conversation ensued...

Zane: Did you poop?

Me: Nope.

Zane: Did I poop?

Me: Nope.

Long pause. Wheels turning...

Zane: It looks like a sea monster.

Me: Huh. It sure does does. Let's go.

Whew.

Brand Conciousness

"Mommy! Look! This Hotwheel is a BMW! Look - it has a teeeeeny tiny BMW logo on the hood!"